Independence to Choose Civility


Our independence and freedom have come at no small cost.  Most can agree that we are enormously thankful for the sacrifices both known and unknown that have been made to supply that independence and freedom.  

We have an obligation to treat this gift with some level of reverence. What shall we do with this freedom?

~ Who Do We Want to Be ~


We have a choice.

Some appear to be choosing hate or even violence for “the other guy.”

Some appear to be choosing to try to cause friction between two groups for their own, self serving motives.

Some appear to be choosing honest debate, problem solving, and bringing groups together.

Freedom of speech does not mean you should call people names and belittle them for having views different than your own.  Have you  ever changed someone’s mind by yelling insults at them?  So is your goal to just hurt them? Sometimes that may be your goal, but chances are you will just succeed at getting them to yell back at you. Or, perhaps, just block you out and ignore anything you have to say.

Freedom of speech does mean that someone may challenge you on ideas that you express.  Sometimes they will challenge you in rude or insulting ways.  Someone may find your ideas insulting and tell you as much.  You can engage or not.  It is your freedom to choose.  You do not need to choose to take it personally.  You may believe that someone disagrees with you because you are white, black, brown, Asian, immigrant, male, female, poor, rich, college educated, not college educated, Republican, Democrat, or whatever subgroup of America you identify with.  Maybe you are right or maybe they disagree because they think you are wrong.  Maybe you ARE wrong.  It can happen.

Leaders and TV personalities are spending more time commenting on perceived motivations and personal attributes of those with which they disagree.  Maybe it is because in the medical field we are discouraged from making nonobjective remarks in our documentation. Maybe it is because many look to these individuals for some hard truths of what is real.  But it is disappointing that some of those that would lead are either fanning the fog or trying to reflect back what some in the community are putting out.  News and investigations will be reported and sometimes through red or blue glasses and that is fine. It is the school yard name calling that they have the freedom and the responsibility to choose to stop.

Party leaders seem to represent the extreme bases that they represent. They are worried about  primaries and donations during their next election.  Moderates have some representation in Congress but the game of politics does not allow their voices to be heard.  That would mean working with the other side that have been painted as evil, heartless, or un-American. If you have convinced your voters that someone is evil, how can you ever be seen negotiating with them?

Can we lead our leaders?  I do not know.  I will try to start to editing myself more and will be calling people out on social media when they cross the line.  Please call me out if my sarcasm crosses into rude or mean.  I will not bother trying to give a “freedom to choose civility” speech to everyone.  Some types of mean are just better to walk away from to avoid calling attention to the stench.

Let us friends use our freedom to choose to


that we wish to see.

Toasted Road Trip

  • To the young man at the convenience store that just found out he won $3000 on scratch off ticket.
  • To the baby deer that only made it across 4 lanes of a six lane road.
  • The the sheriff that was behind me on the tail end of a speeding caravan of cars but did not stop any of us.
  • To the trooper that passed me just as “paranoia strikes deep” danced from my speakers.
  • To Jefferson Airplane for bringing me down but not sleepy.

“When the truth is found
To be lies
And all the joy
Within you dies”

  • To the signs warning that bridges may ice first making me smile as I remember a time when I watched cars getting stuck on a bridge from my apartment window.  And how I now live too far south to see these signs on my commute.
  • To the GPS lady that welcomed me to Georgia but did not seem to care when I left for South Carolina.
  • To all of things that I forgot because, well, I was driving.  Can’t stop to take notes.
  • To the rain that hugged the sky until just now.


I am sitting at my computer….working.  I go to Facebook to waste time and click on a story that leads me to WP.  My notification  bell has a light.  Today is my 5 year anniversary.  Maybe this post will lead me back to posting more often.  Maybe I can stop working every night because software writers and and insurance companies will suddenly stop conspiring to make medical paperwork inexplicably time consuming.

For those in the White House:

Я сижу за компьютером … работаю. Я хожу в Фейсбук, чтобы тратить время и нажимать на историю, которая ведет меня к WP. У моего звонка есть свет. Сегодня мой пятилетний юбилей. Может быть, этот пост приведет меня к отправке чаще. Может быть, я могу перестать работать каждую ночь, потому что программисты и страховые компании внезапно прекратят замышлять превращать медицинские документы в необъяснимые затраты времени.

I wonder how accurate Google translate is with sarcasm?



How to Talk to Women

…or teach anyone anything.

Teach them the part they don’t know. What is obvious to you may not be so obvious to them. 

After decades of struggle, I have made a life changing discovery. How to avoid tangles in extension cords.

Husky 25 ft. 12/3 SJTW Extension Cord with Standard Plug

I have mentioned my struggle to men in the past. Each one of them was happy to help and as if handing down sacred knowledge from Yoda himself, they all explained in detail that one must be careful when coiling the cord for storage. I thought I had been. Each time I listened carefully because each one seemed so sure that he had the secret. Some seemed a bit amused. Not that I was a silly girl asking a stupid question. It was more like they discovered that I had not been let in on this secret. A sudden realization that guy code secrets have not been leaked. As these were all honorable men, they decided that a lady in need who had bravely wondered into the garage, must be let in on the key to a happy extension cord. And so, the tutorial on how to neatly wrap began.

After decades of trials, my issue was not proper cord storage.  I had been wrapping the cord neatly. My problem was in the un-wrapping. No one ever mentioned the unraveling process. The wrapping was supposed to be the secret. So, in my mind, how you unwind it should not have mattered. Well, I guess they thought that part was obvious.

Or maybe that was the sacred guy code bit they were not allowed to speak of in mixed company. 😉

Dear Leaders of these United States


President Obama, Vice President Biden, Speaker Ryan, House Minority Leader Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader McConnell, Senate Minority Leader Reid, RNC, DNC, Secretary Clinton, Mr. Trump


So, here we are.

I know that you all must be frustrated and tired.  So am I.  The history of how we got here is important, but I do not care right now.  Everyone is at fault.  Instead of pointing fingers at past mistakes, let us move forward.

What I ask may be especially hard for those in the House.  Their districts have been carved in such a manner as to make it difficult for them to appear to be cooperative with the opposing party.  Be assured, no matter your place on the political spectrum, you can speak with a civil tongue.

Words matter.  The words of our leaders have the power to spread division and hate.  They also have the power to spread hope and understanding.  Choose wisely.

I see the abuse you take on social media and on TV.  “Liberal” and “conservative” should not be used as insults and I wish those were the worst labels that people used.

The arms race of rhetoric can only serve to further divide us.  

We are all family.  Siblings can disagree but there must always be that foundation of love for our family.

Please state your views.  Use logic and reasoning to honestly explain why you believe so strongly in your views.  Then stop.  Resist the temptation to blame others for a problem.  Resist the temptation to throw a sarcastic jab.

After you are done speaking, the hardest part of your job begins.

Listen with the intention of understanding

Negotiations between political parties in these United States should NOT be as difficult as negotiations between Israel and Palestine.

I believe this country to be both strong and precious.  I have deep respect for the country and I respect you, the elected leaders.

I ask that that you conduct yourselves as if you respect the elected leaders.

Before you decide to announce that “Democrats are ______” or “Republicans are ______”, please remember that you are about to insult roughly half the citizenry. 

Gentle men and gentle ladies, I ask for your leadership.  

Thank you for your service.